The miracle of the bottle

Lack of sex, and what to do about it.

So, over at my favorite drama llama farm, (home of the bumpy ones, and nesters)  several women have been having drama with their husbands wanting to get back in the saddle again before their wives are being cleared by the doctor for such vigorous activity.  To them I have a simple message.  Get some lotion and take care of yourself! Seriously, you would put your loved one’s health and well being in jeopardy because you can’t wait a couple months?

That said, while sex can take a back seat, you still need to be romantic!  Trust me, she wants it just as much you do, and may feel guilty, like its her fault, that you can’t.  So a bit of romance helps.  And for those of you who make your lady moan and scream with orgasms (and, as you knocked her up, that’s more likely to be you than other guys), remember that those breathtaking moments do a LOT to help build up trust and connection in a woman’s psyche.  Without that reinforcement, you have a LOT of work to do.

Touch your lady.  Constantly.  Pet her hair, stroke her cheek, massage her neck.  Whatever she likes. Whatever touch reinforces that you are here for HER.  That you are still the couple you always were, plus one. That she is still your darling, before she is, mother of your child.

And watch out for the nipples.  If she’s breastfeeding, she does NOT want you touching her there.  Trust me.  I learned that the hard way.  Wanna see the scars?

You’re going to make a great daddy…

Sorry for the dearth of updates. The baby has still not flipped, my job is going away between a week to 2 months after the boy arrives, and Lynn is constantly exhausted and in dire need of a foot rub. So I’ve been busy!

A lot of people have been saying to me, you’re going to make a great dad. Or telling Lynn and I together, you’ll be great parents. Now, I know she will, but I still worry about myself. My father seemed a great guy, until after I was born. I know that he was always a manipulative sociopath, but part of me wonders, was it a change caused by me being born? I know, it sounds ridiculous, but its a thought I have. And looking around at a lot of books on the subject, its rather common. Its like how some children of divorce blame themselves for causing it, for being the catalyst. I know its stupid, especially the reverse, that after the kiddo is here I’ll start changing into some horrible monster, but hey. They call them irrational fears because they are irrational. All I know for sure is, I already love this lump of flesh lots and lots, and I hope nothing changes that.

All I need to know about DaddyHood, I learned from Star Trek

I took my mother out to see the new Star Trek movie for mother’s day. (If you haven’t already, wish your mothers, the mothers of your children, and the soon to be mothers of your children a happy mothers’ day. They deserve a week, but hey. )

During the opening credits, I had a thought, similar to those old, all I need to know about life I learned from things.

All I need to know about DaddyHood, I learned from Star Trek:

If a family member you want to name your child after has a crappy name, use it in the middle. Even Tiberious.
That first cry from your child is worth anything. ANYTHING, to know they are safe and happy.
If it requires sacrificing yourself to ensure that your child makes that first cry, then it requires sacrificing yourself.
Teach your child not to open a convertible at 80 mph.
Teach your child why THINKING like Wesley Crusher is good, while TALKING like Wesley Crusher gets you beat up after school.
Teach your child to avoid the green chicks. Or at least use protection.
Teach your daughter how not to BECOME one of the green chicks.
If your kid gets into a fight defending the honor of their mother and father, don’t lecture. Buy them ice cream!
Let the kids see just how much you love their mother, and them. Make sure they know this, and know that it is normal to show it.
Cloning is never an answer to disciplanry problems.

Heartwrenching (in a good way) moment.

I’m not usually one to get overly emotional about stupid things, but… My mind has been goofing with me the past, god, almost 6 months now. I was watching tv, and they had a commercial. One for a certain credit card, you know the ones, the priceless ones. So, the commercial has a kid, like 10 or so, who keeps doing things and handing his dad things to help save the planet. Use of going green to sell credit cards… but thats a rant for another day.

Anyways, after all the bought things, the line is, helping your dad be a better man. Priceless. Holy crap. POW, right in the kisser.
I have a son on the way. A little boy who is going to grow up and probably be as big of a pain in the ass as his dad was at that age, and spend so much time causing me to be different, and, I hope beyond hope, better.
Phew. Umm, hmm. Click the tv off. I’ve got dishes to do, and Z’s to catch next to a beautiful wife. See you all tomorrow

Art of Manliness

The art of Manliness

A very interesting site. I’m a fervent supporter of the thought that any guy can make a kid, but it takes a man to be a FATHER. This website is dedicated to the things that separate the boys from the men. I don’t mean machismo crap like not crying or being an alpha male jackass, you know, the kind of thing that a lot of little boys seem to think makes them men. I mean things like having a sense of style, a high level of commitment in your life, treating the people around you properly, treating the love of your life like the love of your life, and putting her on the pedestal she deserves. You know, being a MAN.

I seriously heart this site, thought I’d share.

As an example, they have a regular email newsletter, the latest of which is “7 Lessons in Manliness From the Greatest Generation”
Lessons in being a man from the generation of World War 2.

Lesson 1 gives you a big idea of the main thrust of the entire website.

Lesson # 1: Take Personal Responsibility for Your Life

While today’s generation often shirks responsibility as too much work, the Greatest Generation relished the chance to step up to the plate and test their mettle. One son of a WWII Medal of Honor winner remembers of his dad and his peers, “For them, responsibility was their juice. They loved responsibility. They took it head-on, and anytime they could get a task and be responsible, that was what really got em’ going.”

And when the Greatest Generation accepted responsibility for something, they also accepted all the consequences of that decision, whether good or bad. They were not a generation of whiners or excuse makers. They took pride in personal accountability. In a time where individuals and businesses reach for a bailout or the easy fix of bankruptcy to make things right, stories like that of Wesley Ko inspire. Soon after the war, Ko started a printing business. After 35 years of working hard to transform it into a successful company, he decided to relocate his business from Philadelphia to upstate New York. Ko personally guaranteed the 1.3 million dollar loan needed to make the move. The transition did not go as expected, and Ko’s company faced several setbacks; after only a year, he was forced to go out of business. Ko said, “It was a big decision making time. I couldn’t retire. I hadn’t taken out Social Security. So at the age of seventy I had to go get a job and start paying back that million-dollar loan. I just didn’t feel comfortable with declaring bankruptcy. I just didn’t think it was the honorable thing to do, even though it would have been easier.”

Read the rest of the 7 rules at This Link.

HE KICKED!

So, our little boy has been kicking the piss out of Mommy the last few weeks (literally. It’s like hes the Italian Stallion and Lynn’s bladder is that hanging piece of meat. ) But it hasn’t been something I’ve been able to feel myself. Last night, she said, “Come here, QUICK!” Thinking something was wrong, I dropped a chair on the cat, kicked the dog in the face, knocked over the tv, set the drapes on fire, and made my cake fall that was in the oven. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating. It was more his shoulder than his face.

So she’s laying on the couch, holding her belly. Really quietly, she says to me, ” If you put your hand RIGHT HERE, and DON’T PUSH! you might feel him. ”
I put my hand on her belly, just below her belly button. Nothing.
“Well, maybe it was just a gas bubble” She says.
I giggle, then gasp. A little thump pushes against my fingers. And again.

I tell you, it makes it so real, feeling the little guy in there. Knowing that theres a baby thats mine cooking in there. I of course, being the instructional type, proceeded to start teaching my son “Shave and a haircut” much to the consternation of the Momma.

Still, I have to admit, the whole way through, feeling him kick and push, I had one thing in my mind.

Guess I’ll have to add a tiny cane and top hat to the hospital bag….

Ready to be a father?

One of the things that always worried me, even long before meeting my wife, is what kind of a father I would be. I come from an abusive background. Before you go, yeah, everyone does, let me make two statements. Watching the Menendez brothers’ trial in high school, where they went over the abuse they suffered, my immediate comment was, what wusses! Second, the trial of my father made the papers, in part because of the headline, what the judge called my father during sentencing. “A sorry excuse for a human being”.

I’ve always done my best to push away that early upbringing, to be one of the many abused kids that came out mostly normal. But there’s always been a part of me fearful of how I might react, of turning into my own father. “The Expectant Father”, which you can find linked in the resources page linked above, has a lot of sections where it talks about guys worrying about this kind of stuff, even ones who had a good relationship with their father. So apparently I’m not alone. I’ve mostly gotten over the worry, but there is still that fear that I might just get angry and lash out. I’ve helped raise a sister, as well as doing a lot of watching of my roommates’ kid for a while, so its pretty much an unlikely issue, but then, most fears are irrational, right?

I for one am mostly over this issue, but I bring it up because I’ve started to understand that it IS a common issue. So I was wondering who else out there fears themself? Or simply worries about screwing their kids up.